Happy Anniversary to Sam and Diane!

Sam and Diane: A Scottish Highland Ceilidh

For those who don't speak the Gaelic, a ceilidh (kay-lee) is a party, often associated with courting. The original word means, “companion”. I can't think of a more perfect word, then, for the Scottish wedding of Sam and Diane last December. The ceremony took place on December 21^st, the Winter Solstice, when the light returns to the world; the symbolism became a wonderful part of this magical wedding ceremony.

Sam hails from the Highlands of Scotland. I was enchanted the moment I met him. Peering at me myopically through his Coke-bottle glasses, Sam said, . . .uh. . .something. Wow. That's quite a burr he's got there. I blame it on the noise at Starbucks, really, that I had to ask him to repeat himself. But mere moments later, I found myself laughing delightedly with this rascally, hilarious Scot. Diane soon showed that she was going to match him witticism for bawdy, eyebrow-waggling witticism. Between the two of them, I think they may have cornered the market on mischievous charm. These two, I thought, are my kind of people!

Sam and Diane wanted to honor Sam's heritage, and to work the theme of the Solstice into their ceremony. They chose a handfasting ceremony, which is a marvelous Scottish tradition, in which the couple's hands are tied together. It's where we get the phrase, “tying the knot”. Sam planned to wear his full kilt; happily, being of Cunningham heritage myself, I wore my clan sash and badge.

As I approached, the sounds of the bagpipes swirled through the air. Smithville is host to dozens of darling little shops, and the unusually fair day meant the place was crowded. The sounds of happy laughter and chatter were everywhere. The wedding took place at Fred and Ethel's Lamplight Tavern in adorable Smithville, NJ. The antique building is full of charm; the room boasted beamed ceilings and a gorgeous fireplace. We held the ceremony there; Sam in his kilt, and Diane looking like the Queen of Winter in her sparkling white lace gown and headpiece of evergreen and crystal.

The bagpiper piped Diane to the altar. The couple shared bread and salt, to symbolize that they would have bountiful food and one another's protection. A friend had braided their handfasting cord, including a length of Sam's clan tartan, and hanging tiny charms from the ends. Feelings of love and joy filled the room completely. Diane likens Sam's love for her to the Winter Solstice; just when things seemed darkest, he brought the light back into her life. But don't think this ceremony was solemn and formal! Oh, no. In fact, though I'm used to hearing some bawdy jokes before or after a ceremony, this wedding marked the first time the couple was cracking wise during the ceremony! I think it would have taken about five minutes less if we hadn't kept stopping to laugh. And laugh. And laugh!

A merrier gathering was never held than the reception that followed. Sam and Diane shared a quaich, toasting each other and the guests. To honor the Solstice, candles and decorated matchbooks were placed at each person's seat. I asked the guests to light not their own candle, but someone else's. Diane's eye for detail shone through; the decorations were absolutely gorgeous, with sparkling white, silver, and slate blue on every wall and table, and tartan everywhere it could go. Even Diane's finger- and toenails sported tartan stripes!

Sam and Diane, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having me as part of your wedding day. I will remember it always! Happy Anniversary!

Love,

Holly

Fail-Safe Weddings: How to Avoid the Top Five Ceremony Problems

Attend a few dozen wedding each year, and you start to see patterns: what's wonderful, what's okay, and, of course, what it is that goes wrong. I see how much love and hard work my couples put into having the perfect wedding, so here is the real-life list: the things that most often go wrong, and how you can avoid them.

#5: Your Reader didn't make it.

Having a guest read for you at the ceremony is a time-honored tradition. It's a beautiful way to include someone special in your family. I have seen some absolutely stellar readings from grandparents, aunts and uncles, best friends, and brothers and sisters. I've also needed to quickly and smoothly cover up when a reader isn't present. To help avoid this faux pas, make sure you ask your reader early, so they have a lot of time to prepare themselves. Choose someone who you know is comfortable in front of a crowd! When you do ask, go with someone you know you can rely on to take the responsibility to heart. Readers should have the material no less than three weeks ahead of time. Encourage them to rehearse in front of a mirror, and more than once, to help prevent bursting into tears at such an emotional moment. Ask your officiant to have a copy of the reading on hand, just in case, and give the officiant the name of the reader. If at all possible, designate a person to check on your readers, making sure they are present, ready to go, and know where to stand.

#4: Bugs. Seriously, bugs.

Outdoor weddings mean insects are all around you. If you are in a watery or woodsy area, mosquitoes, chiggers, and ticks are liable to be unintended guests. In a garden, there may be a lot of bees or dragonflies. Ask your venue how they control for insects. If possible, have your ceremony at times insects are less active (sunset weddings are lovely, but buggy). If you have a wedding website, gently remind guests to use bug spray. For a prettier and more natural prevention, incorporate plants and flowers that discourage bugs, such as lavender, lemonbalm, lemongrass, citronella, chamomile, larkspur, and chrysanthemums.

Larkspur and Chamomile bouquet?  Yes, Please!

#3: Have the Rings and the License Ready

Misplacing the rings happens often enough that I usually ask my couples where they are the moment I get to the ceremony. You'd be amazed how often the rings are forgotten in someone's bag! We've borrowed rings from guests and even used pieces of grass to cover for missing rings during the ceremony. While it makes for a funny story, it may not be the story you wanted from your big day. Your best man should have the rings on his person; if you don't have one, designate a person to take on the duty. A maid of honor or mother can track the license and make sure it's on hand for signing.

#2: The Weather is Crazy!

Too hot or too cold means miserable guests – not to mention you sweating or shivering in your gown. When you choose a date, think about common weather patterns in your area and how comfortable you and your guests need to be. The beautiful days of summer are gorgeous, but you and everyone else will sweat. Autumn skies and leaves make for stunning photographs, but not if you are desperately wishing for your pashmina.

Naturally, this doesn't mean you have to hide indoors on your big day! Consider fans as programs or favors; opt for a shady location instead of direct sun; know when the heat will be at its worst, and plan around it. Have bottled water available at the ceremony! If it's cooler out, have throws or pashminas available for guests to use.

Even more than temperature are the two troublemakers Wind and Water. Rain on your day can be worked around simply by having a back-up location indoors. Wind is another matter. If you are getting married in spring or autumn, when wind tends to kick up, be prepared! Anchor your arch firmly. Have support for any standing flower arrangements or decorations. Dispense with the candles – they're going to blow out. Consider sewing some seed pearls into the edge of your veil to give it a bit more weight, preventing it from blowing into anyone's face.

#1 Wedding Fail: The Runner

Oh, the runner. Three words of advice: don't do it! The runner looks lovely in photographs, but I have yet to see one go as planned. They are awkward during the ceremony. They don't unroll, or they're crooked and twisted. They blow out of the way. They wrinkle. They rip. They trip you up. Spread flower petals instead, you'll be safer and happier! Or go completely without something underfoot. After all, all eyes will be on you, not what you're walking on.

Love,

Holly  

Ceremonies That Blend Families

Many Charmed Life Ceremonies couples aren’t getting married for the first time. I have married couples this year that include children on one or both sides of the marriage. My brides and grooms often want to include their children in the ceremony, but aren’t sure how to do it.

Sand/Water Ceremony

A beautiful symbolic ceremony, the sand or water ceremony is fairly simple. For each family member represented, or for each “side” of the family, a color of sand or water is put into a small jar. A larger, third jar is placed in the middle. Members of the new family take turns pouring small amounts into the large jar. For sand ceremonies, this created a layered sand pattern; in water ceremonies, a new color of water is created.

The officiant points out the symbolism of the sand or water; that before it was poured into the third jar, the drops of water or grains of sand were two separate things. Now, they are one, and the individual drops or grains can’t be separated out again.

I have used this ceremony with children as young as two and all the way up to adult children. For young ones, sand is probably safer in case of spills. When all the sand or water is poured in, put a lid on the jar and keep it forever.

Family Medallions

For kids getting a new step-parent, the family medallion can become a very special piece of jewelry. The parent joining the family places the necklace around the neck of the child, promising to be a good parent and to love the child as his/her own. A hug can seal the deal.

The officiant can speak about the importance of family to the couple and talk about how the step-parent came to love the children, including special memories.

Handfasting Element

While the handfasting itself ties the bride and groom together, the couple can modify the ceremony and ask the child or children to wrap a loop around the couple’s hands to symbolize that the kids are part of what makes the couple a family. The children can say something simple to welcome their new parent into their lives, if they are old enough and not shy!

Children in the Wedding Party

Older children can be asked to be in the wedding party to give them a special honor. I have seen kids of almost every age be part of the couple’s “boys” or “girls”. Kids can be more than a flower girl or ring bearer; they can carry special signs, be the one to hold the bride’s bouquet, or hold the glass before the groom breaks it. Be sure that you talk with the child about what he or she feels most comfortable doing, and even if you have a dream in mind, respect the child’s wishes and age-appropriate abilities. Kids may not be able to stand still for the fifteen or twenty minutes of the ceremony, or may be scared by all the attention. Others may totally cool, high-five the groom after he kisses the bride, or dance down the aisle.  At Charmed Life Ceremonies, you kids will feel welcomed into your wedding.

Happy planning!

Love,

Holly

Fabulous Ceremony Elements to Personalize Your Big Day

We all love a ceremony with a few special moments held within!  Brides often ask me about ways to personalize their ceremony, honor a special person, or just take their day up a notch.  Here are some of my favorite wedding day elements, from the tried and true to the new and nifty!

Unity Candle

The Unity Candle is a lovely moment, representing that the bride and groom have grown into their own family. Typically, a parent on each side lights a tall, thin taper to represent the family of origin. Then the bride and groom take up their respective tapers and light a center pillar candle that represents their new life together, and replace the tapers.

Sand or Water Ceremony

A Sand or Water ceremony represents the blending of two lives. Usually the bride’s sand or water is one color, and the groom’s another. When poured together, the sands will make a pretty design; the water will make a single new color.

While the concept is simple, there are plenty of ways to make either ceremony particularly special. Matching the colors to the wedding colors is always a nice touch. Using special receptacles, such as a family heirloom vase or bottles in the shape of something special to the couple, also helps define the moment.

The spoken part of the ceremony, often done by the officiant, might go like this:

“______________ and _____________, today your separate lives are joined together as one. The two colors of sand/water symbolize the individual life of the past; separate families, separate friends, separate histories. As the contents of these two bottles are poured into the third, the individual grains of sand/drops of water are joined together as one. Just as they can never be separated and poured again into individual containers, so too will your lives be forever intertwined.”

Unity Painting

New and trendy, the Unity Painting Ceremony has a lot in common with the Sand ceremony. A blank canvas is set up on an easel or table, and squirt bottles of paint are set out for the bride and groom. Together, they create their own unique work of art to immortalize their wedding day.

Rose Ceremony

The bride and groom give roses to their mothers (or any parent) to show their love and thanks. After, they exchange roses themselves as a symbolic gift between them as husband and wife. The officant might say something like this:

Officiant:
Your first gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect and a public showing of your commitment to each other. In addition, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage. 
You now have what remains the most honorable title that exists between a woman and a man - the title of "wife" and "husband” It is now my great privilege to be the first to address you as wife and husband and for your first gift as wife and husband, that gift will be a single red rose bud. 
(Officiant hands each a red rose bud/or invites mothers to present the roses) 
The rose is considered a symbol of love and a single rose always means only one thing - it means, "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as wife and husband - that gift would be a single rose bud. 

Handfasting

In a handfasting, we use a cord to bind together the right hands of the bride and groom. Often a blessing is recited over the cord and then the couple. Handfastings have become increasingly popular, especially in Irish, Scottish, or other Celtic-themed weddings. There are a lot of ways to personalize the cord; color, material, adding charms, braiding, and so on. The officiant can incorporate the meanings into the ceremony reading during the handfasting itself.

Love,

Holly

Playful Reception Ideas

  

Photo booths are all the rage at weddings, which inspired me to consider: what if you could liberate the props a bit and have them going all over the reception? How many amazing photos would that encourage? Not everyone loves to dance, and the prop table gives those who don’t something to enjoy.

Just the thought makes me want to throw a party so I can see what would happen! Here’s a list of things I’d love to have. Consider making a separate table or scattering them among all the tables with the centerpieces.

1. A Beach Ball. You can’t really go wrong, especially as it makes it’s way to the dance floor. Everyone loves to pop up a beach ball. If you’re going with a beachy theme, put out a lot of them!

2. A Top Hat. Need I say more? Top hats look amazing, fit in with the wedding, and photograph well. Bowler hats, cabbie hats, any hat with a distinct meaning and look.

3. Fake moustaches. Fake moustaches are fun by definition! The best shots are going to be when it finds the Top Hat and a bridesmaid at the same moment.

4. Mini white boards with dry erase markers. Probably not all that kid-safe, since they’ll draw on one another, but great for making photo messages to the bride and groom to stumble across in their wedding photos.

5. A monocle. Believe me, you can find one on eBay or Amazon. Consider also hippie eyeglasses, oversized sunglasses, or mirrored shades.

6. Letters of any kind. Scrabble tiles, foam letters, letter cubes. Same idea as the dry erase markers, people love to spell out messages! Just make sure your more adventurous guests keep it age-appropriate.

7. Costume bits, especially if you’re having a vintage or retro wedding. Coordinate them to your theme: feather boas, tiaras, crowns, eye patches, fans, or fedoras. The list is endless! A hit at a costume store or party store, especially when things go on sale after Halloween, should yield a lot of fun toys. If you’re having an awesomely geeky wedding, consider action figures and an Instagram tag.

8. Other toys – dice, cards, you name it. People love to play games, and it’s a great ice breaker! If you’re really daring, consider foam weapons or small Nerf guns. Just make sure you’ve got a good clean-up team!
   

   
9. Anything that lights up!  Let your inner kid out and onto the dance floor with glow rings, necklaces, or bracelets.     
10. Brain-teaser games.  Rubix cubes, iron ring puzzles, anything that folks can fiddle with while they're waiting for the salad course to reach them.  

Check with your venue about any restrictions, and consider the age range of your guests carefully. Above all, have fun!

Love,

Holly

The Personal Wedding Ceremony

Nothing is as much fun for me as connecting to a couple and making their ceremony personal. I’ve always been interested in stories. Hearing all about how a couple met and fell in love is one of the many things that makes job so special. Some stories are simple, some are long and complicated, but every single one makes the storytellers get The Look. You know the one – the soft, dreamy expression on a woman, the warm, loving eyes on a man. It’s my favorite perk to be able to watch that moment. Then I get the icing on the cake, getting to learn about the love they share. From the stories my couples tell me, I pull out special details that make the moment personal.

Every couple I work with gets a questionnaire – or just a questioning! - from me. The questions are optional, of course, and not everyone wants to answer them. For those couple who value the bespoke ceremony, it’s one of the best ways to find some details. If you have only three words to describe your fiancée, what are they? Almost everyone tells me why without me even having to ask – and the whys are where the good stuff comes in. One of my grooms recently wrote,

“. . . Our love of life together. Wanting to explore the world. Enjoying the little things in life together. Our appreciation and beliefs. Lisa being an independent individual with passions of her own. Even though she's a mom, she has a life outside of that. And I love that she is an artist. Passionate. Vibrant. Intelligent.”

You can see how lovely it will be to work that into the ceremony. I have written in so many of the things that truly matter, so the bride and groom will both feel that special moment when they are united. Part of what I will say will look like this:

“. . . He loves her for her passionate nature, the way she gets so much out of life, and her artistry. It is a blessing to see two people so in love, and so ready for all the living they will do together. These two people are very clearly partners, equals, as well as lovers and friends.”

It was delightful to see the guests’ faces when these two get married! I’m had to rehearse for a week just to make sure I don’t get choked up - then I did anyway!

This is the kind of ceremony that makes Charmed Life Ceremonies something above and beyond; memorable. I will look forward to working with you to create your own perfect wedding ceremony.

Love,

Holly

Ceremonies for Blending Families

Many of my couples aren’t getting married for the first time. I have married many couples that include children on one or both sides of the marriage. My brides and grooms often want to include their children in the ceremony, but aren’t sure how to do it.  Here are a few of my favorite ways to create a ceremony that blends two families and makes them one.

Sand/Water Ceremony

A beautiful symbolic ceremony, the sand or water ceremony is fairly simple. For each family member represented, or for each “side” of the family, a color of sand or water is put into a small jar. A larger, third jar is placed in the middle. Members of the new family take turns pouring small amounts into the large jar. For sand ceremonies, this created a layered sand pattern; in water ceremonies, a new color of water is created.

The officiant points out the symbolism of the sand or water; that before it was poured into the third jar, the drops of water or grains of sand were two separate things. Now, they are one, and the individual drops or grains can’t be separated out again.

I have used this ceremony with children as young as two and all the way up to adult children. For young ones, sand is probably safer in case of spills. When all the sand or water is poured in, put a lid on the jar and keep it forever.

Family Medallions

For kids getting a new step-parent, the family medallion can become a very special piece of jewelry. The parent joining the family places the necklace around the neck of the child, promising to be a good parent and to love the child as his/her own. A hug can seal the deal.

The officiant can speak about the importance of family to the couple and talk about how the step-parent came to love the children, including special memories.

Handfasting Element

While the handfasting itself ties the bride and groom together, the couple can modify the ceremony and ask the child or children to wrap a loop around the couple’s hands to symbolize that the kids are part of what makes the couple a family. The children can say something simple to welcome their new parent into their lives, if they are old enough and not shy!

Children in the Wedding Party

Older children can be asked to be in the wedding party to give them a special honor. I have seen kids of almost every age be part of the couple’s “boys” or “girls”. Kids can be more than a flower girl or ring bearer; they can carry special signs, be the one to hold the bride’s bouquet, or hold the glass before the groom breaks it. Be sure that you talk with the child about what he or she feels most comfortable doing, and even if you have a dream in mind, respect the child’s wishes and age-appropriate abilities. Kids may not be able to stand still for the fifteen or twenty minutes of the ceremony, or may be scared by all the attention. Others may totally cool, high-five the groom after he kisses the bride, or dance down the aisle.

Happy planning!

Love,

Holly

Getting Your License In New Jersey

One of the questions I get most often is, “How do we get the license?” Happily, it’s not too complicated. Here are the New Jersey State guidelines, followed by a few tips.

From The State of New Jersey website:

Where to apply:

1. The marriage license application is to be made in the New Jersey municipality in which either party resides and the license is valid throughout the State of New Jersey.
2. If neither applicant is a New Jersey resident, submit the application in the municipality where the marriage ceremony will be performed, the license is only valid in the issuing municipality.

Please contact the Local Registrar to determine if license applications are handled during business hours or by appointment.

Required documents when applying for a marriage license:

1. Proof of identity by presenting your driver’s license, passport or state/federal I.D.
2. Proof of your residency.
3. Your social security card or social security number.*
4. A witness, 18 years of age or older.
5. The $28 application fee.

*Social security number is required by law for US citizens and will be kept confidential.

Any documents in a foreign language must be accompanied by a certified English translation.

Requested additional documents (these documents are helpful but not required):

1. A copy of your birth certificate to establish your parents’ names and related birth information.
2. If you are divorced, have had a previous civil union dissolved, domestic partnership terminated or have had a civil union annulled, please bring the decree(s) or the civil annulment documents.
3. If your former spouse/civil union or domestic partner is deceased, please bring the death certificate.

After you apply:

There is a 72-hour waiting period before the license is issued. The waiting period begins when the application is filed with the Local Registrar. There is no 72 hour waiting period for a remarriage; however, you must bring a certified copy of your existing marriage.

The marriage license application is valid for six months from the date accepted, unless the Registrar has given prior approval to extend the validity of the application to a maximum of one year.

Only one marriage license may be granted from a marriage application. If the license expires before being used, a new application must be made and another $28 fee remitted.

So there you have it! You will also need the name and address of the person performing your ceremony (hopefully me!).

Picking up the license is also usually a question; you pick it up in the township in which you get married. Part of my job is to file the license with the township, within 5 days of your wedding. It’s a good idea to call the township and check that it’s ready for pickup.

Some townships unusual zoning or municipality overlaps. I always recommend that you ask where to pick up the final license when you apply for it, and write that information down! It may save some confusion later. New Jersey residents can apply in the township where the ceremony will be, to keep things really simple.

Love,

Holly