Fail-Safe Weddings: How to Avoid the Top Five Ceremony Problems

Attend a few dozen wedding each year, and you start to see patterns: what's wonderful, what's okay, and, of course, what it is that goes wrong. I see how much love and hard work my couples put into having the perfect wedding, so here is the real-life list: the things that most often go wrong, and how you can avoid them.

#5: Your Reader didn't make it.

Having a guest read for you at the ceremony is a time-honored tradition. It's a beautiful way to include someone special in your family. I have seen some absolutely stellar readings from grandparents, aunts and uncles, best friends, and brothers and sisters. I've also needed to quickly and smoothly cover up when a reader isn't present. To help avoid this faux pas, make sure you ask your reader early, so they have a lot of time to prepare themselves. Choose someone who you know is comfortable in front of a crowd! When you do ask, go with someone you know you can rely on to take the responsibility to heart. Readers should have the material no less than three weeks ahead of time. Encourage them to rehearse in front of a mirror, and more than once, to help prevent bursting into tears at such an emotional moment. Ask your officiant to have a copy of the reading on hand, just in case, and give the officiant the name of the reader. If at all possible, designate a person to check on your readers, making sure they are present, ready to go, and know where to stand.

#4: Bugs. Seriously, bugs.

Outdoor weddings mean insects are all around you. If you are in a watery or woodsy area, mosquitoes, chiggers, and ticks are liable to be unintended guests. In a garden, there may be a lot of bees or dragonflies. Ask your venue how they control for insects. If possible, have your ceremony at times insects are less active (sunset weddings are lovely, but buggy). If you have a wedding website, gently remind guests to use bug spray. For a prettier and more natural prevention, incorporate plants and flowers that discourage bugs, such as lavender, lemonbalm, lemongrass, citronella, chamomile, larkspur, and chrysanthemums.

Larkspur and Chamomile bouquet?  Yes, Please!

#3: Have the Rings and the License Ready

Misplacing the rings happens often enough that I usually ask my couples where they are the moment I get to the ceremony. You'd be amazed how often the rings are forgotten in someone's bag! We've borrowed rings from guests and even used pieces of grass to cover for missing rings during the ceremony. While it makes for a funny story, it may not be the story you wanted from your big day. Your best man should have the rings on his person; if you don't have one, designate a person to take on the duty. A maid of honor or mother can track the license and make sure it's on hand for signing.

#2: The Weather is Crazy!

Too hot or too cold means miserable guests – not to mention you sweating or shivering in your gown. When you choose a date, think about common weather patterns in your area and how comfortable you and your guests need to be. The beautiful days of summer are gorgeous, but you and everyone else will sweat. Autumn skies and leaves make for stunning photographs, but not if you are desperately wishing for your pashmina.

Naturally, this doesn't mean you have to hide indoors on your big day! Consider fans as programs or favors; opt for a shady location instead of direct sun; know when the heat will be at its worst, and plan around it. Have bottled water available at the ceremony! If it's cooler out, have throws or pashminas available for guests to use.

Even more than temperature are the two troublemakers Wind and Water. Rain on your day can be worked around simply by having a back-up location indoors. Wind is another matter. If you are getting married in spring or autumn, when wind tends to kick up, be prepared! Anchor your arch firmly. Have support for any standing flower arrangements or decorations. Dispense with the candles – they're going to blow out. Consider sewing some seed pearls into the edge of your veil to give it a bit more weight, preventing it from blowing into anyone's face.

#1 Wedding Fail: The Runner

Oh, the runner. Three words of advice: don't do it! The runner looks lovely in photographs, but I have yet to see one go as planned. They are awkward during the ceremony. They don't unroll, or they're crooked and twisted. They blow out of the way. They wrinkle. They rip. They trip you up. Spread flower petals instead, you'll be safer and happier! Or go completely without something underfoot. After all, all eyes will be on you, not what you're walking on.

Love,

Holly  

Ceremonies That Blend Families

Many Charmed Life Ceremonies couples aren’t getting married for the first time. I have married couples this year that include children on one or both sides of the marriage. My brides and grooms often want to include their children in the ceremony, but aren’t sure how to do it.

Sand/Water Ceremony

A beautiful symbolic ceremony, the sand or water ceremony is fairly simple. For each family member represented, or for each “side” of the family, a color of sand or water is put into a small jar. A larger, third jar is placed in the middle. Members of the new family take turns pouring small amounts into the large jar. For sand ceremonies, this created a layered sand pattern; in water ceremonies, a new color of water is created.

The officiant points out the symbolism of the sand or water; that before it was poured into the third jar, the drops of water or grains of sand were two separate things. Now, they are one, and the individual drops or grains can’t be separated out again.

I have used this ceremony with children as young as two and all the way up to adult children. For young ones, sand is probably safer in case of spills. When all the sand or water is poured in, put a lid on the jar and keep it forever.

Family Medallions

For kids getting a new step-parent, the family medallion can become a very special piece of jewelry. The parent joining the family places the necklace around the neck of the child, promising to be a good parent and to love the child as his/her own. A hug can seal the deal.

The officiant can speak about the importance of family to the couple and talk about how the step-parent came to love the children, including special memories.

Handfasting Element

While the handfasting itself ties the bride and groom together, the couple can modify the ceremony and ask the child or children to wrap a loop around the couple’s hands to symbolize that the kids are part of what makes the couple a family. The children can say something simple to welcome their new parent into their lives, if they are old enough and not shy!

Children in the Wedding Party

Older children can be asked to be in the wedding party to give them a special honor. I have seen kids of almost every age be part of the couple’s “boys” or “girls”. Kids can be more than a flower girl or ring bearer; they can carry special signs, be the one to hold the bride’s bouquet, or hold the glass before the groom breaks it. Be sure that you talk with the child about what he or she feels most comfortable doing, and even if you have a dream in mind, respect the child’s wishes and age-appropriate abilities. Kids may not be able to stand still for the fifteen or twenty minutes of the ceremony, or may be scared by all the attention. Others may totally cool, high-five the groom after he kisses the bride, or dance down the aisle.  At Charmed Life Ceremonies, you kids will feel welcomed into your wedding.

Happy planning!

Love,

Holly

Fabulous Ceremony Elements to Personalize Your Big Day

We all love a ceremony with a few special moments held within!  Brides often ask me about ways to personalize their ceremony, honor a special person, or just take their day up a notch.  Here are some of my favorite wedding day elements, from the tried and true to the new and nifty!

Unity Candle

The Unity Candle is a lovely moment, representing that the bride and groom have grown into their own family. Typically, a parent on each side lights a tall, thin taper to represent the family of origin. Then the bride and groom take up their respective tapers and light a center pillar candle that represents their new life together, and replace the tapers.

Sand or Water Ceremony

A Sand or Water ceremony represents the blending of two lives. Usually the bride’s sand or water is one color, and the groom’s another. When poured together, the sands will make a pretty design; the water will make a single new color.

While the concept is simple, there are plenty of ways to make either ceremony particularly special. Matching the colors to the wedding colors is always a nice touch. Using special receptacles, such as a family heirloom vase or bottles in the shape of something special to the couple, also helps define the moment.

The spoken part of the ceremony, often done by the officiant, might go like this:

“______________ and _____________, today your separate lives are joined together as one. The two colors of sand/water symbolize the individual life of the past; separate families, separate friends, separate histories. As the contents of these two bottles are poured into the third, the individual grains of sand/drops of water are joined together as one. Just as they can never be separated and poured again into individual containers, so too will your lives be forever intertwined.”

Unity Painting

New and trendy, the Unity Painting Ceremony has a lot in common with the Sand ceremony. A blank canvas is set up on an easel or table, and squirt bottles of paint are set out for the bride and groom. Together, they create their own unique work of art to immortalize their wedding day.

Rose Ceremony

The bride and groom give roses to their mothers (or any parent) to show their love and thanks. After, they exchange roses themselves as a symbolic gift between them as husband and wife. The officant might say something like this:

Officiant:
Your first gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect and a public showing of your commitment to each other. In addition, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage. 
You now have what remains the most honorable title that exists between a woman and a man - the title of "wife" and "husband” It is now my great privilege to be the first to address you as wife and husband and for your first gift as wife and husband, that gift will be a single red rose bud. 
(Officiant hands each a red rose bud/or invites mothers to present the roses) 
The rose is considered a symbol of love and a single rose always means only one thing - it means, "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as wife and husband - that gift would be a single rose bud. 

Handfasting

In a handfasting, we use a cord to bind together the right hands of the bride and groom. Often a blessing is recited over the cord and then the couple. Handfastings have become increasingly popular, especially in Irish, Scottish, or other Celtic-themed weddings. There are a lot of ways to personalize the cord; color, material, adding charms, braiding, and so on. The officiant can incorporate the meanings into the ceremony reading during the handfasting itself.

Love,

Holly