Ceremonies for Blending Families

Many of my couples aren’t getting married for the first time. I have married many couples that include children on one or both sides of the marriage. My brides and grooms often want to include their children in the ceremony, but aren’t sure how to do it.  Here are a few of my favorite ways to create a ceremony that blends two families and makes them one.

Sand/Water Ceremony

A beautiful symbolic ceremony, the sand or water ceremony is fairly simple. For each family member represented, or for each “side” of the family, a color of sand or water is put into a small jar. A larger, third jar is placed in the middle. Members of the new family take turns pouring small amounts into the large jar. For sand ceremonies, this created a layered sand pattern; in water ceremonies, a new color of water is created.

The officiant points out the symbolism of the sand or water; that before it was poured into the third jar, the drops of water or grains of sand were two separate things. Now, they are one, and the individual drops or grains can’t be separated out again.

I have used this ceremony with children as young as two and all the way up to adult children. For young ones, sand is probably safer in case of spills. When all the sand or water is poured in, put a lid on the jar and keep it forever.

Family Medallions

For kids getting a new step-parent, the family medallion can become a very special piece of jewelry. The parent joining the family places the necklace around the neck of the child, promising to be a good parent and to love the child as his/her own. A hug can seal the deal.

The officiant can speak about the importance of family to the couple and talk about how the step-parent came to love the children, including special memories.

Handfasting Element

While the handfasting itself ties the bride and groom together, the couple can modify the ceremony and ask the child or children to wrap a loop around the couple’s hands to symbolize that the kids are part of what makes the couple a family. The children can say something simple to welcome their new parent into their lives, if they are old enough and not shy!

Children in the Wedding Party

Older children can be asked to be in the wedding party to give them a special honor. I have seen kids of almost every age be part of the couple’s “boys” or “girls”. Kids can be more than a flower girl or ring bearer; they can carry special signs, be the one to hold the bride’s bouquet, or hold the glass before the groom breaks it. Be sure that you talk with the child about what he or she feels most comfortable doing, and even if you have a dream in mind, respect the child’s wishes and age-appropriate abilities. Kids may not be able to stand still for the fifteen or twenty minutes of the ceremony, or may be scared by all the attention. Others may totally cool, high-five the groom after he kisses the bride, or dance down the aisle.

Happy planning!

Love,

Holly