The Personal Wedding Ceremony

Nothing is as much fun for me as connecting to a couple and making their ceremony personal. I’ve always been interested in stories. Hearing all about how a couple met and fell in love is one of the many things that makes job so special. Some stories are simple, some are long and complicated, but every single one makes the storytellers get The Look. You know the one – the soft, dreamy expression on a woman, the warm, loving eyes on a man. It’s my favorite perk to be able to watch that moment. Then I get the icing on the cake, getting to learn about the love they share. From the stories my couples tell me, I pull out special details that make the moment personal.

Every couple I work with gets a questionnaire – or just a questioning! - from me. The questions are optional, of course, and not everyone wants to answer them. For those couple who value the bespoke ceremony, it’s one of the best ways to find some details. If you have only three words to describe your fiancée, what are they? Almost everyone tells me why without me even having to ask – and the whys are where the good stuff comes in. One of my grooms recently wrote,

“. . . Our love of life together. Wanting to explore the world. Enjoying the little things in life together. Our appreciation and beliefs. Lisa being an independent individual with passions of her own. Even though she's a mom, she has a life outside of that. And I love that she is an artist. Passionate. Vibrant. Intelligent.”

You can see how lovely it will be to work that into the ceremony. I have written in so many of the things that truly matter, so the bride and groom will both feel that special moment when they are united. Part of what I will say will look like this:

“. . . He loves her for her passionate nature, the way she gets so much out of life, and her artistry. It is a blessing to see two people so in love, and so ready for all the living they will do together. These two people are very clearly partners, equals, as well as lovers and friends.”

It was delightful to see the guests’ faces when these two get married! I’m had to rehearse for a week just to make sure I don’t get choked up - then I did anyway!

This is the kind of ceremony that makes Charmed Life Ceremonies something above and beyond; memorable. I will look forward to working with you to create your own perfect wedding ceremony.

Love,

Holly

Ceremonies for Blending Families

Many of my couples aren’t getting married for the first time. I have married many couples that include children on one or both sides of the marriage. My brides and grooms often want to include their children in the ceremony, but aren’t sure how to do it.  Here are a few of my favorite ways to create a ceremony that blends two families and makes them one.

Sand/Water Ceremony

A beautiful symbolic ceremony, the sand or water ceremony is fairly simple. For each family member represented, or for each “side” of the family, a color of sand or water is put into a small jar. A larger, third jar is placed in the middle. Members of the new family take turns pouring small amounts into the large jar. For sand ceremonies, this created a layered sand pattern; in water ceremonies, a new color of water is created.

The officiant points out the symbolism of the sand or water; that before it was poured into the third jar, the drops of water or grains of sand were two separate things. Now, they are one, and the individual drops or grains can’t be separated out again.

I have used this ceremony with children as young as two and all the way up to adult children. For young ones, sand is probably safer in case of spills. When all the sand or water is poured in, put a lid on the jar and keep it forever.

Family Medallions

For kids getting a new step-parent, the family medallion can become a very special piece of jewelry. The parent joining the family places the necklace around the neck of the child, promising to be a good parent and to love the child as his/her own. A hug can seal the deal.

The officiant can speak about the importance of family to the couple and talk about how the step-parent came to love the children, including special memories.

Handfasting Element

While the handfasting itself ties the bride and groom together, the couple can modify the ceremony and ask the child or children to wrap a loop around the couple’s hands to symbolize that the kids are part of what makes the couple a family. The children can say something simple to welcome their new parent into their lives, if they are old enough and not shy!

Children in the Wedding Party

Older children can be asked to be in the wedding party to give them a special honor. I have seen kids of almost every age be part of the couple’s “boys” or “girls”. Kids can be more than a flower girl or ring bearer; they can carry special signs, be the one to hold the bride’s bouquet, or hold the glass before the groom breaks it. Be sure that you talk with the child about what he or she feels most comfortable doing, and even if you have a dream in mind, respect the child’s wishes and age-appropriate abilities. Kids may not be able to stand still for the fifteen or twenty minutes of the ceremony, or may be scared by all the attention. Others may totally cool, high-five the groom after he kisses the bride, or dance down the aisle.

Happy planning!

Love,

Holly

Getting Your License In New Jersey

One of the questions I get most often is, “How do we get the license?” Happily, it’s not too complicated. Here are the New Jersey State guidelines, followed by a few tips.

From The State of New Jersey website:

Where to apply:

1. The marriage license application is to be made in the New Jersey municipality in which either party resides and the license is valid throughout the State of New Jersey.
2. If neither applicant is a New Jersey resident, submit the application in the municipality where the marriage ceremony will be performed, the license is only valid in the issuing municipality.

Please contact the Local Registrar to determine if license applications are handled during business hours or by appointment.

Required documents when applying for a marriage license:

1. Proof of identity by presenting your driver’s license, passport or state/federal I.D.
2. Proof of your residency.
3. Your social security card or social security number.*
4. A witness, 18 years of age or older.
5. The $28 application fee.

*Social security number is required by law for US citizens and will be kept confidential.

Any documents in a foreign language must be accompanied by a certified English translation.

Requested additional documents (these documents are helpful but not required):

1. A copy of your birth certificate to establish your parents’ names and related birth information.
2. If you are divorced, have had a previous civil union dissolved, domestic partnership terminated or have had a civil union annulled, please bring the decree(s) or the civil annulment documents.
3. If your former spouse/civil union or domestic partner is deceased, please bring the death certificate.

After you apply:

There is a 72-hour waiting period before the license is issued. The waiting period begins when the application is filed with the Local Registrar. There is no 72 hour waiting period for a remarriage; however, you must bring a certified copy of your existing marriage.

The marriage license application is valid for six months from the date accepted, unless the Registrar has given prior approval to extend the validity of the application to a maximum of one year.

Only one marriage license may be granted from a marriage application. If the license expires before being used, a new application must be made and another $28 fee remitted.

So there you have it! You will also need the name and address of the person performing your ceremony (hopefully me!).

Picking up the license is also usually a question; you pick it up in the township in which you get married. Part of my job is to file the license with the township, within 5 days of your wedding. It’s a good idea to call the township and check that it’s ready for pickup.

Some townships unusual zoning or municipality overlaps. I always recommend that you ask where to pick up the final license when you apply for it, and write that information down! It may save some confusion later. New Jersey residents can apply in the township where the ceremony will be, to keep things really simple.

Love,

Holly